So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
