I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
