As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
