the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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