I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
