Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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