By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
