dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
