A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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