new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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