you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
