Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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