I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
