my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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