My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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