if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
