My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize