my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
