you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
