i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
