4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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