well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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