my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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