Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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