oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
