I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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