she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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