Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
