dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
