Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
