Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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