I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
