haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
