someone threw a dead crab at me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
