So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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