I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize