Your face is a jimmy john
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
