that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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