are you still at the devil's house?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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