i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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