my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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