don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
