You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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