Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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