My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize