I am puke
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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