The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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