Please, let me fuck your mom
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
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This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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