I wish I could teleport
he puts the penis in happiness.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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