you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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