i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize