My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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