I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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