just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
