Having a random hookup so left but love u
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
