Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
