A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
