He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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