I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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