Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
